Emma Doran’s diary of a two-year-old is brilliantly accurate and hilarious

Local comedian Emma Doran is well known for her comical take on daily life, with the former Tallaght native covering everything from top tips on celebrity weight loss to preparing yourself for a night out in the 90s.

Emma’s latest post, all about a day in the life of her two-year-old, really gave us the belly laughs, mainly because it is remarkably accurate.

From disrupting everyone’s sleep to uncontrollable crying because it was taking too long to peel an orange – anyone with a toddler will be nodding in agreement as they read through it.

We particularly like the moment the toddler managed to scoff toilet roll while being changed in a cubicle.

Most of us have been there before, and it’s definitely only the toddler who thinks it’s fun!

Check out the full post below and make sure to check out Emma’s Facebook page HERE.

THE DIARY OF A 2-YEAR-OLD

2am Woke up with nothing to do so decided to have a massive cry to get someone’s attention. 

 

2.01am Finally got into Mammy and Daddy’s bed. No one seemed to be up for playing so

decided to start kicking the blankets off.

 

2.04am Always wondered what was inside my Mammy’s nose, so no time like the presence to get to the bottom of it, literally.

 

3.30am Everyone seemed to be wide awake so thought it was the perfect time for a nap.

 

7.45am Woken up by Mammy drying her hair. Bit rude.

 

8am Mammy started peeling an orange.

 

8am Mammy was still peeling the orange. What is taking so long. I was left with no choice but to start screaming.

 

8.02am Was really looking forward to the orange but at the last minute decide to throw it on the floor. Immediately regretted this and started to cry.

 

8.03am Got some toast. Eat some. Mashed the rest into my jeans.

 

10am Mammy put me in the car I didn’t want to be in the car. So, I would not let Mammy strap me in.

 

10.01am I love being in the car and listening to music. This is great craic. Who doesn’t like the car?

 

11am Saw a display of Cadburys crème eggs in the shop. Manage to open 3 and bite into 2. Mammy said she’d regret not putting me in the buggy so I didn’t want to disappoint her.

 

11.45am Did a pooh. Mammy had to change me on her lap in the cubicle. I managed to shove a good bit of toilet roll into my mouth.

 

12noon Mammy took the tissue out of my mouth and I let her have a piece of my mind I can tell you.

 

1pm I HATE THE CAR. I never want to be in the car EVER AGAIN.

 

1.10pm A funny man waved at me in the car. It was funny. I love the car.

 

1.30pm We had pasta. It was nice so I wanted the dogs to taste it.

 

2pm I love my brother. We are best friends.

 

2.01pm I hate my brother and Mammy should only look at me at all times.

 

3pm My big sister gave me some chocolate. I decided to follow her until it is gone and pretty much for the rest of the day just in case anything else materialised.

 

3.30pm At the end of Peppa Pig they all fell over and laughed. Hilarious- who comes up with this stuff?

 

4.15pm Got my hands on an apple. Took one bite and threw it behind the couch.

 

5pm DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!

 

5.05pm DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY DADDY!

 

5.06pm Mammy went to the toilet and locked the door. I have never been so distraught!

 

6.46pm Bath Time. YES!! Now, every time we have a bath we seem to go to bed afterwards. Not this time though I think it will be different.

 

7.15pm The unthinkable has happened. Even after my protests I now find myself in my cot.

 

7.20pm If they think I’m going asleep they can think again.

 

7.22pm ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ